Everything I Ever Dreamed
by Dinny93
Summary: Oneshot based on "Song For Ten" from the soundtrack for series 1&2. The Doctor thinks about Rose and how much she meant to him. Set before "Journey's End". My first fanfic, criticism welcome.


**A/N: This is my first fanfic/songfic, so any criticism is welcome. I got the soundtrack for the first 2 series back in November and as soon as I heard "Song For Ten", I knew I had to write something about it. If you haven't heard it, then I really recommend it. It never fails to make me cry! :)**

**Disclaimer: Doctor Who is in no way mine, but the property of BBC Wales. Nor is "Song For Ten" on which it was based. If I had any say whatsoever in Doctor Who, then David Tennant would not be allowed to leave and the 10th Doctor would reign supreme for all eternity.

* * *

**

**Everything I Ever Dreamed**

_Well I woke up today_

_And the world was a restless place_

_It could have been that way for me_

* * *

Right from the beginning, from the moment he opened his eyes while wearing Howard's pyjamas and with an apple in his pocket, there wasn't a minutes' peace – pilot fish attacking and a killer Christmas tree of all things! His first day as a new, new Doctor and the human race was in peril before he'd even had a chance to fully regenerate.  
_Typical_.

But he wouldn't change it. No, not ever. Because if that first day had been anything to go by, and they do say that first impressions count, then that action packed first day had the standard by which he would set the rest of his days in that body.

It had felt like the entire world was buzzing with a fresh new energy and if he was being big-headed, then he would say it had been like that for him, that the Universe was welcoming the brand new him with open arms. It almost felt like a promise of all the things to come and it matched his new personality perfectly – restless and filled with a boundless energy.

Of course, it didn't exactly hurt that she'd been there to welcome him when he had finally woken up properly...

* * *

_And I wandered around_

_And I thought of your face_

_That Christmas looking back at me._

* * *

That Christmas. He would never forget that Christmas, his first in that body – rude and not ginger – but unforgettable for so many other reasons. After his single-handed defeat of the Sycorax in a sword fight he felt _sure_ should become legendary, he spent the entire day with her and her family, celebrating Christmas together. And although he had always said, and still said to this day, he didn't do domestic, that one day had been completely worth it.

For one short day, he had been able to experience the cosy life he knew he would never be able to give her, but in that new body, somehow that didn't seem as depressing as it might once have done and he had revelled in it. For that one day, he had been able to let go of all the responsibilities that came with being the last of the Time Lords and pretend that he was just a regular guy, spending his Christmas with his girlfriend, her mother and her best friend.

Although, at that point in time, he hadn't been sure where he stood with Rose, having lost the over-sized nose and Dumbo ears. He had walked into Jackie Tyler's flat later on that day, newly resplendent in converse, brown pinstripe suit and that fantastic coat he'd been given by Janis Joplin back in 1969, but had never truly appreciated until he'd seen it again, this time through big, brown, puppy-dog eyes. He'd stood in the doorway and watched her with her family, grinning at how much she seemed to be enjoying herself, yet slightly sad at the same time. He hadn't been sure if she was going to leave him now he had changed and return to her family.

Then she had looked up and their eyes had met. Her face had lit up as though he was the centre of her own, personal universe and she had beamed at him. And he realised even if she did decide to leave him, it would all have been worth it, just knowing that he could make her smile like that – even if she did leave him, the image of her face glowing at the sight of him would remain forever imprinted in his mind.

* * *

_I wish today was just like every other day_

_'Cause today has been the best day_

_Everything I ever dreamed_

* * *

Without even realising it, he set that day up as a benchmark, a standard by which all future days would be judged. It had been the best day, the best start he could ever have imagined. And yet, all days with her had been absolutely fantastic, and so were those that followed.

It was just something about her, his Rose, that had made every day special – whether they were being chased by werewolves or just eating chips on some alien planet.

Not to say that every day was easy – quite the contrary, they managed to get into perilous situations on most occasions. More often than not, she got herself kidnapped or wandered off. Sometimes he'd complain that she attracted trouble like a magnet, to which she'd always respond to with a look that clearly said "Hypocrite!".

He didn't really mind rescuing her though. Indeed he secretly revelled in playing the Knight-in-Shining-Armour to her Damsel-in-Distress, though he would never admit it.

Either way, the time he spent with her seemed to be the very epitome of perfection in its own way. It was the same lifestyle he'd been living for so many decades, yet with her it took on a dreamlike quality and if anyone had thought to ask him about his perfect day, he would have said a day with her. It was everything he had ever dreamed it could be and more.

The best days of his life.

* * *

_And I started to walk_

_Pretty soon I will run_

_And I'll come running back to you._

* * *

Days later, after having spent enough time with Jackie Tyler to last him another millennium at least, they'd walked back to the Tardis together. Her mother and Mickey the Idiot had been following slightly behind them. She'd had that huge bag with her, filled to bursting with clothes, jewellery, make-up and other random knick-knacks she'd deemed important.

He'd teased her about the bag, saying he could never understand why women, especially young human ones (though by no means was that a rule), needed so many clothes and that the Tardis wardrobe would cater for her needs anyway, so why was she even bothering. She'd just grinned up at him cheekily, and told him it was all part of the moving-in process and that now there was no going back.

He could still remember the exact look on her face as she'd said, in that same teasing tone he'd been using with her "You're stuck with me," and the way she had chortled after she'd said it. And he'd grinned right back at her, all the while thinking that he didn't mind being "stuck" with her, didn't see it as such at all.

He hadn't minded all the clothes either – the fact that she was moving so many clothes into the Tardis had suggested a degree of permanence and had reassured him she wasn't going to leave him any time soon. It had given him a warm, fuzzy feeling deep inside his hearts to know that she considered the Tardis home enough for her to transfer childhood trinkets from her room at her mother's to her room on the Tardis. He hadn't said anything, just smiled and hoped to convey the depth of all those emotions in that one smile.

Then he'd turned to the controls and set about pulling levers and pushing buttons, ready for their next great adventure. Ready to take her hand once more and start to run. Because so long as he had her, then there was always something to fight for, always a reason to run. So long as she existed and was a part of his life, then he would always return to her, run to her.

Always run back to her, because without her, there was no light.

* * *

_'Cause I followed my star_

_And that's what you are_

_I've had a merry time with you._

* * *

Before Rose came along, he had been falling apart, drowning in an all consuming guilt. He was broken, seemingly without chance of repair. But then she waltzed into his life, all pink and yellow and with a twenty-four mega watt smile, and she fixed him.

She lit up his life and allowed him to see the good in the Universe once more. And he came to love her for it, though he would never, could never tell her that. She was his star, his Sun, his best friend and yet still so, so much more, and he would have taken her to the end of the world and back, a thousand times over if it had made her happy.

He loved to make her happy, to make her laugh, make her smile. No matter where they went, they always had so much fun together. It didn't matter who they annoyed in the process, or what they ended up running from – because they would inevitably end up running for their lives at some point – so long as they were together.

Hand in hand, they travelled the universe, saved worlds, and generally interfered with things. No matter the situation, so long as he had her by his side, then he felt he would always be able to face things head on and with a wide smile. She had made every day merry for him, not stopping with that wonderful, beautiful Christmas day.

* * *

_I wish today was just like every other day_

_'Cause today has been the best day_

_Everything I ever dreamed._

* * *

He'd always been prone to nightmares following the Time War. He thought that the hurt would never fade, the wounds never heal. He thought no amount of time could fix the damage done. When he'd met her though, while the agony of the Time War and the pain of losing Gallifrey were by no means extinguished, they were numbed somewhat.

The more time he spent with her, the more the pain of being the last of the Time Lords receded somewhat. Time with her was like a dream – a beautiful and amazing dream, but a dream none the less. He loved being with her, but he found himself always waiting for this, the best dream he could ever imagined, to end. He didn't believe himself worthy of her, when she was so undeniably good, so young and pure.

Yet, he was selfish and desperately didn't want their time to come to an end. He did everything he could think of to keep her with him. He'd thought that day on Satellite Five, 250,000 years in her future, was the end of his perfect dream. By that point, he'd already lost her to the Daleks twice, so to protect her, he finally found the courage and strength he needed to let her go. He sent her back to her own time, back to Jackie.

When she came back for him however, choosing him over her family for what would not be the last time, he finally began to hope that maybe their time together didn't have to end. He began to think, maybe it wasn't all just a dream he was to awake from at any possible moment. And so, with that in mind, he had sacrificed his ninth incarnation to save her when the Time Vortex threatened to incinerate her, all the while wishing that all the days to come would match those days with her.

His tenth form seemed to have been made with her in mind – not only were their hands a perfect fit, but suddenly the air around them seemed to crackle and spark from the intensity of the chemistry between them. He grew more and more confident as the days went by that, although this time wouldn't last forever, she wasn't about to be stolen from him without warning, that their time together was not going to be unexpectedly cut short. He began to think that when their era drew to a close, it would be on his terms, and definitely not until he was ready to let her go.

Losing her at the Battle of Canary Wharf hurt as much as losing Gallifrey had done.

* * *

_So have a good life_

_Do it for me_

_Make me so proud_

_Like you want me to be_

_Wherever you are_

_I'm thinking of you, oceans apart_

_I want you to know..._

* * *

Even when he was saying good-bye to her on Bad Wolf Bay, knowing he wasn't ever going to see her again, he'd still been unable to tell her he loved her. He'd wanted to, wanted her to know how much she meant to him. How much she would always mean to him. But he'd run out of time before he could get the words out. It was ironic – the Last of the Time Lords, yet without enough time to tell the woman he loved just that.

Later on, he convinced himself that it was a good thing he hadn't been able to return her declaration of love. After all, that would only make it harder for her to get over him and move on, as she must do. He didn't want her to waste the short amount of time she had, wasting away and pining over him. That wouldn't do at all. He wanted her to be brilliant, to have a good life, a fantastic life. Like he'd told her in the message he'd recorded for her, Emergency Program One, a lifetime ago.

Because ultimately, even if they couldn't be together, he wanted her to be happy. He wanted her to be able to have the type of life he knew he would never be able to have – a house, a mortgage, kids, the whole she-bang. Even if kids did entail another man, and that thought hurt him like hell, motherhood was one thing he was certain she would excel at.

Rose Tyler, Defender of the Universe turned Super-Mum. Ha! That thought never failed to bring a smile to his lips.

Though the smile frequently faded somewhat when he allowed himself to imagine her children. He hoped they'd have her eyes and her smile, her intelligence and her infinite energy. He tried not to think of the man who must replace him in her heart for this to happen. Any notions he'd once had of being the one man for her were long since dispelled from his mind by then.

But he hoped she would remember his words from that day on Satellite Five, the day that was both a beginning and an end in many ways, and realise what he expected of her and go on to lead that fantastic life. He needed her to have that adventure for him, even if she didn't want it herself. What was he thinking though? She was utterly brilliant, and of course she was going to make him proud, so, so proud.

She _had_ to realise that even though he'd been unable to say the words, he meant them with the entirety of both his hearts, and that wherever she was and what ever she was doing, he would always be thinking of her. No matter how many oceans separated them, how many universes apart they may be, she would never leave his thoughts. He would feel her loss forever.

* * *

_Well I woke up today and you're on the other side_

_Our time will never come again _

_But if you can still dream _

_Close your eyes it will seem _

_That you can see me now and then._

* * *

Now he sleeps less than he ever did, keeping away the dreams that hurt him so badly. Not nightmares, like those of the Time War, but ones where she never left him, where he never lost her. Because although the dreams are fantastic while they last, they all have to end at some point. And when he wakes up from a dream where her hand was once more in his and she was smiling at him as though he was the only thing she could see, when he remembers once more that she is on the other side of a barrier he cannot breach, it's like losing her all over again. The pain is intolerable, unbearable and it rips through him every time, dragging tears from his eyes, to know that the times they had together can never be repeated.

So it's easier not to sleep, to postpone it as long as possible. But that doesn't mean he doesn't think about her. She is with him throughout it all, a part of him he cannot remove and wouldn't want to even if he could. And sometimes he wonders, though he knows without a doubt she must move on, does she still dream of him?

Does she see him sometimes out of the corner of her eye, only to turn and find it was a figment of her imagination, a product of wishful thinking, the same way he does?

Is his the last face she sees before she goes to sleep at night, and are her dreams filled with the many adventures they had together?

A part of him, the selfish part, hopes that she does, that she never forgets him. He will never forget her for as long as he lives which, for a Time Lord with two more regenerations left, is a fair few hundred years at least. Deep, deep down, he hopes that she never stops loving him, that she is suffering from their untimely separation as much as him. But he despises that part of himself for wanting her to be unhappy, when he always knew that she deserved the best, so much more than the broken Time Lord he had become after the Time War. She must lead the rest of her life without him, that marvellous life of hers.

* * *

_I wish today was just like every other day_

_'Cause today has been the best day_

_Everything I ever dreamed_

* * *

He would never stop wishing for the return of those perfect days. He wouldn't ever deny that he'd had fun with Martha and Donna, they were both so brilliant in their own rights.

Yet however fantastic his time with Martha had been, and however much he enjoyed spending time with Donna, it just didn't compare to the days, months, years he had spent with Rose. Those days would forever remain the very Best in his mind.

To be fair to Donna and Martha though, he tried not to compare. With Donna, it was easy. She was his best friend through and through, but never anything more. That was more than proved when she'd kissed him during their meeting with Agatha Christie! Though it may have saved his life, he still winced slightly at that recollection.

With Martha it had been harder, despite how different she was from Rose. Maybe it was because of those differences he had compared them. Rose's pink to Martha's chocolate, her blonde to Martha's black... Yet at the same time there were the similarities between them. They didn't exactly make it easier for him not to compare, when every time he looked into Martha's deep brown eyes, he would feel a pang of loss as they weren't the _right_ brown eyes.

He still felt guilty for the comparisons, still felt guilty that all the time he had been with Martha and still now with Donna, no matter what they were doing, there was always that niggling throb, pushed to the back of his immense mind, that wished it was Rose instead.

* * *

_I wish today was just like every other day_

_'Cause today has been the best day_

_Everything I ever dreamed_

* * *

Rose.

Rose Marion Tyler.

He would miss her always and forever.

And now, to go and face Donna and another adventure. They would have a ball together, of that he had no doubt. He was thinking of taking her to one of the biggest markets the Universe had to offer, to test her haggling capabilities.

But by tonight it would all have been forgotten, the events catalogued for the future just in case, then pushed to the recesses of his mind. Just another day without much importance – unless of course they were REALLY unlucky.

And once they were back in the Tardis and Donna was winding down, doing her own thing, he would close his eyes and relive those days. The days he'd had with her, the memory of which every second was precious.

Everything he'd ever dreamed.

_fin_


End file.
